Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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