I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woke up backwards on a recliner
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
