I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
