i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize