Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
