somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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