god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She announced her abortion via fbk
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
