the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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