theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
