it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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