why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
