No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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