Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
