we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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