I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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