He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize