I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
