Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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