Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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