So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Randomize
