some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
