I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
