i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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