U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
