it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
