these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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