btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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