OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
