worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
