you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
