What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
