His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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