I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
