if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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