The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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