I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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