I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize