Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
