Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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