I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
