I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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