I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
