no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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