I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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