He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize