Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The beer is more important than you right now.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
