She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
