I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
