I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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