he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
