You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
