think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
