Sponge bath it is.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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