do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
