god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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