i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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