just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Sorry my hands just texted you
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
