Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i would one night stand the shit outta him
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
