It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
