how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
