I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
