I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
