worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
