***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
