i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize