In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
