I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
