i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
