Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
