At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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