who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
